Having to deal with a divorce can be a big enough hassle and life change on its own. When you are raising your children together, it can make things even more complicated and contentious. There is often animosity that grows over time, especially when there are children involved. Developing a parenting plan with a combative co-parent can be easier to overcome when you have the help of a Springfield, IL, divorce lawyer.
Sharing Child Custody in Illinois
It can be frustrating and complicated to navigate a parenting schedule with a combative former spouse who likely still views you as the villain in their story. Figuring out this situation and working on a solution should be your primary goal as a parent, though it can be easier said than done. Being present for your children should come first for both of you, and keeping your children out of your marital problems is not an easy task to successfully pull off.
When your former spouse refuses to be civil or cooperate on co-parenting without being difficult, it can have a painful effect on not just your emotional health but your children’s emotional health, too. In the aftermath of a contentious divorce, it may be somewhat understandable to feel betrayed, jilted, and even taken advantage of to some degree.
Holding onto that pain and projecting it onto your children may not be the most effective way to move on from what’s happened.
The most viable solution to a combative co-parent situation is to be the bigger person and keep pushing for respectful ways to approach contentious subjects. An Illinois divorce lawyer can help you develop a successful parenting plan that benefits all involved. The Illinois court system will generally decide on one of two main custody agreements after your divorce:
- Joint legal custody. When the court’s order is for joint legal custody, both parents are given equal rights to make significant life decisions on behalf of the child’s welfare. It is vital that you and your former spouse develop a parenting plan and stick to it. Your child will need consistency from both parents after a divorce. Try your hardest to be civil for your child’s sake.
- Sole legal custody. When the court issues an order for sole legal custody of the children involved, only one parent is given full parental rights over the child. The court decided that involving one of the parents full-time would only harm the child’s welfare. This doesn’t automatically mean the noncustodial parent has done something wrong. It could be a financial decision and not one that reflects on anyone’s character.
Tips for Handling a Combative Co-Parent
Parenting is not easy, and co-parenting can be even harder. Choosing to be a good co-parent also means choosing to ignore pettiness, choosing to prioritize your child, and choosing to let a lot of things go for the sake of normalcy. If there is a court-ordered parenting plan in place, both parents must abide by it or face legal consequences. Violating a judge’s orders can result in significant legal consequences. Here are some tips for handling a combative co-parent:
- Use logic, not emotion. Choosing to be logical may sound difficult, and sometimes it is going to be. The alternative is reacting emotionally, and that almost always leads to more friction and further difficulty.
If the other parent does not get their way, they may resort to manipulative tactics. They may attack you emotionally, insult you, or even threaten legal action or violence. Remember that you are not responsible for their actions, and don’t engage.
- Don’t engage. Keep in mind one very important fact of life. You are not married to this person anymore. You are not responsible for anything that they do, say, or feel. They are no longer your significant other. They are simply the other parent to your child, and if they don’t abide by the court-appointed plan, they could face penalties. If you refuse to react to their attempts to reassert control, they have no real power over you.
FAQs
Q: Which Parent Gets Primary Custody of the Child After Divorce?
A: There is no telling which parent will receive primary custody of your child after your divorce. Every divorce case is different, and the court will consider many different factors to decide which parent is better suited for primary custody. Mothers and fathers have equal parenting rights in Illinois, so it could be either one.
Q: Can My Child Choose Which Parent They Want to Stay With?
A: It depends almost entirely on the child’s age and ability to make important decisions. When the court is deciding on your custody arrangement and considering multiple factors, the child’s own wishes may be one of those factors if they are old enough to know what they are choosing to do. Only then does the court really consider their opinion.
Q: Why Would a Parent Not Receive Custody of Their Child?
A: There are any number of reasons a parent would not receive custody of their child. If a parent does not receive joint custody, it does not mean they are a bad parent or even a bad person. Generally, though, parents are denied custody of their children because they have made bad decisions in life thus far and are unfit to care for a child. Some reasons include neglect, abuse, criminal convictions, and mental illness.
Q: What Is Included in a Parenting Plan?
A: A parenting plan is a court-ordered legal document that outlines each parent’s responsibilities for their child. It explains the legal custody arrangement and what each parent will provide after their divorce. It will include a strict visitation schedule, how to handle disputes as they arise, and contingency plans if needed.
A Lawyer Can Help Things Along
Dealing with a combative co-parent can really frustrate you, but it is important that you continue to be a good parent for your child. They may need you now more than ever. The legal team at Stange Law Firm understands what’s at stake for you here. We can help you figure out a parenting plan and more. Contact us to speak with a team member.
